Warning: Rambling ahead!

Over lunch two days ago I was telling my companion and dear friend (same person) about work. We had been colleagues for almost two years, and I am not shy to share my opinion and stories with her, regardless of how the anecdotes make me look.

Her opinion of me is I allow emotions to get in the way of work, and that never bodes well for the future. To be fair to myself I’m still learning about my workplace; all the unspoken rules, who not to offend, who to steer clear of, who is good to work with. I think I am emotional in the sense that I am not used to getting yelled at at work, and it would bother me for days no matter how much I tell myself I shouldn’t be bothered.

Five minutes before I left work on Friday my boss came over to my desk to scream at me and even though I am usually a cheerful and easy going person I could not concentrate during dinner or a movie afterwards. I was also convinced if I were in the same situation it would be best if I didn’t meet anyone after a run-in with my boss.

Therefore I decided to just not give a fuck.

My friends have been telling me to update my résumé and send it out to companies and I sometimes wonder if they know how recruitment works. It’s the end of the year, nobody wants to quit, and then I’ll have to wait until January to find something else.

I also had bad experiences with interviews from September 2018 to February 2019. People who know me well will tell me ‘Don’t be so confrontational!’ (I am not, but with that being said I wouldn’t bend backwards and be agreeable just for the sake of being agreeable) but if you had sat through an interview as a minority, you could probably relate. Even people who were born the same colour as I sometimes cannot relate because they’ve never been prejudiced like that.

I don’t hope for better days at work. I hardly leave things to chance. So while I’m still there I am determined to learn as much as I can. This job is really good at teaching me how to improve communication skills (because most people don’t have the essentials so they really come across as uneducated and uncouth) and how to be patient.

In the meantime, I should learn to not be affected by the screaming. I should compartmentalise my life so that when it comes to having sex after work I might finally be able to relax.

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